ere you told to “stop crying”, “not be so sensitive” or that you were “too much?” Did you hear phrases like, “don’t worry”, “smile more” or “don’t be so negative?”
These invalidating messages likely not only left you feeling like your emotions at the time were not okay but that there was something inherently wrong with you for having your big feelings. Despite your growth and accomplishments, you may still feel this way years or even decades later.
Do you have unexplained aches and pains or find yourself getting sick often or with more intense or lingering symptoms?
It is common to stuff down or numb your feelings in response to not receiving the validation and coaching to help you safely move through them. Not only does this make it harder to access the important information your emotions have for you but stuck emotions can show up in your physical body and negatively impact your immune system.
Do you find yourself becoming reactive or shutting down or engaging in toxic positivity in response to your children’s or partner’s expressions of emotions?
Many of my clients, especially highly sensitive caregivers at home and work, feel overwhelmed by their big feelings. Despite not wanting to repeat patterns from the past, they can become imprinted in your nervous system. It’s not your fault or a conscious choice but without emotion regulation support, it can be hard to provide safe and supportive co-regulation to the ones you love. It’s likely that one or more of your children may also have big feelings. By doing your work, you can help protect them from internalizing shame.
We need our emotions and the vital information they carry about what you need and what is and what is not okay. Without them, our relationships can suffer. It can also put you at a higher risk of burnout and compassion fatigue or unhealthy coping.
THE GOOD NEWS
In therapy, the safe co-regulation of the therapeutic relationship and my validation along with attention to pacing and self-soothing can help you safely be with your emotions.
Grief needs a compassionate witness. From this place of compassion and non-judgement, I teach clients how to reclaim their tears and offer themselves validation. I have seen time and time again how tears lead to transformation.
Anxiety needs to be soothed, not shamed. I help clients befriend their anxiety, learn to become mindful and then discern past from present and imagined from real threats.
Despite what you may have been taught or witnessed, anger is not bad. I help clients embody their anger and process their deeper emotions underneath. Together we explore ways it can be a powerful catalyst for personal and collective change.
There is a beautiful ripple effect that happens when you learn skills to make your emotions work for you and begin to honour your needs. I’ve experienced this first hand in my own family and love supporting other women to do this hard but liberating work.
APPROACHES I USE
In my sessions, I draw on twenty years of experience working with clients as well as specialized training in Compassion Fatigue, Polyvagal Informed Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Internal Family Systems Parts work, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Self-Compassion. I have also done extensive readings specifically related to the Highly Sensitive Person and am recognized as an HSP Knowledgeable Therapist.
Together, we go beyond traditional talk therapy, using a mind/body/spirit approach and taking into consideration your sociocultural context and upbringing.
Are you looking for an emotion coach, compassionate witness and guide to support you on your journey of safely being with yours and your loved ones’ big feelings?
Are you ready to start honouring what you need?
Book a FREE intro call or First Appointment with Nicole. I’m at Encompass Kitchener Monday afternoons and offer free intro video or phones calls throughout the week so you can ask questions, get a feel for my energy and see if we’re a fit. Book online.
Nicole (she/her/hers)
Nicole Schiener, RP, CCC, CGE, CCFP